Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Love/hating on my Kindle

I’m having a love/hate relationship. I hate love/hate relationships. The way I see it: You either love something or hate it. There is a fine line between love and hate (its called sanity).

Yes, I’m love/hating on my Kindle.


I’ll start out with a believable scenario for this one: The AZAZINGISTAWESOMIST book just came out for the tenth time this year. If I don’t get the book RIGHT THIS SECOND something bad will happen. Preferably something dramatic like CHOKING ON A PIECE OF COOKIE DOUGH FROM A BEN AND JERRY ICE CREAM TUB I was eating to console myself because I didn’t get the AZAZINGISTAWESOMIST book RIGHT THIS SECOND.

All this tragedy could have been averted if I just would have used my Kindle. Amazon has something called a “Whispernet.” This “Whispernet” delivers the AZAZINGISTAWESOMIST book in a blink of an eye (less than sixty seconds). (I imagine Whispernet as an overgrown Collie, “Lassie” if you will. Lassie sees me suffering from book deprivation and brings me a book in its non-slobbery, blunt-toothed mouth. Yay Lassie! Er... yay Whispernet!)


This is the part where everything turns into a large complicated vat of ooze. Namely: book samples. *Gasp* DUN DUN DUU. My love for samples comes from being on the borderline with a book. The book sounds good, but not good enough to buy on a whim. I need to hear more about it. If I don’t like the writing, good. Saven’ me some maja mullah! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) If I do... (This is where the hate starts) I have a dilemma on my hands. Do I download the book immediately? Or wait till I go to a store? Is it cost effective to get the book on the Kindle? Does it have a drop-dead amazing cover?

If I really like the book, the petty voice of Logic isn’t going to help much. Usually the books I check out have breath-taking covers. This brings us to the hate...


Grr... *punches hole through Kindle* *pauses* *spits* *steps back to admire work* *cries* *stops using asterisks* *fools readers* *laughs evilly*

Going back to my first example in THE LOVE section, the happy (or not so much) ending would be me buying the book and Lassie bringing it to me in her loving, capable jaws. I will celebrate by reading my prize within an hour. Back to THE LOVE/HATE example, the cover would be really boring. The next time I go to a bookstore, I will longingly pet the glossy, beautiful cover of the AZAZINGISTAWESOMIST book. Then I will look at the price tag and be annoyed. Turns out, the lovely, new, glossy covered hardback book would have, with a coupon, cost less then the boring, black and white Kindle copy. Than I go through a period where I don’t use my Kindle and imagine myself throwing Lassie out of the house and telling Lassie to never come back. It would’ve been very tearful.

Again and again the cycle goes....

Now you know all my woes....

(OMFG i rhymed.)

P.S. Sorry for the crappy posting this week. School is trying to murder me before I leave. Does anyone have some tips for starting in high school?

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